Lists

I was starting to write about a pet peeve I have - when people come up to the counter, look at you and say only their last name. That's it. Nothing more. Just "Smith". Then they look at you like your an idiot. I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned but "Smith" is not a sentence, a request, or a question. It's a word. A name. That's it. Anyway, while I was writing I realised - I'm a retail pharmacist I have lots of pet peeves. So, ladies and gentlemen, here are some pet peeves from the world of retail pharmacy (In no particular order)

1. "Is it ready yet?" - As in, I answer the phone, and the first thing I hear is something like this. Or "Did you get it?", "Did my doctor call it in yet". There are endless variations of this one. My standard answer to this is a simple "I don't know'. Then I wait until the idiot on the other side of the conversation figures it out.
   
2. "Smith" - As in a patient walks up to the counter and says simply "Smith" or "Brown" or "Dipshit". Yea, I'm an intelligent person, I can figure out that your probably picking up something. (Extra points for the dipshit that does this at the Drop Off window). But that's not the point. It's fucking rude. At least preface it with a "Hi" or even "Pickup". Related to this is the idiot that just says "Picking up". Then stares at me. I just stare back, silently. Yea, I probably know you name, but I don't want you to know that...that would make it seem like a care about you on some level. I don't.
   
3. "Cough Cough" - You all know what this one is. There is a epidemic sweeping the nation. I call it Chronic Idiotpathic Inpatient Syndrome (CIIS for short). I keep a small bowel of cough drops at the counter and don't hesitate to offer one up to anyone that displays symptoms. Trust me. I know you are there. I have two cameras pointing at you, I have a clear view of the counter, you made eye contact with me twice while I was either on the phone or helping someone else. It is my job to help you. I will be there. Just as soon as I fucking can. As much as I would absolutely love to ignore your ass, I can't. Related to CIIS is Autoidiotdystrophy. This is characterized by the patient that randomly looses control of the muscles in his or her hands, causing the keys they were carrying to fall to the countertop.
   
4. I call this one FTS (Fish Tank Syndrome). Just because there is some plastic/glass/plexi-whatever in front of me doesn't mean I'm in a fish tank. Don't stand in front of me, don't follow me while I walk back and forth, and don't fucking stare. Unless your staring at my magnificent perfect male specimen of a body (which I highly doubt) - go find something else to look at, like I don't know, your own ass. If your gonna treat me like I'm in a fish tank, at least throw me some food or something.
5. My hands are clean. I wash them numerous times a day - probably more than you do from the looks of it. You can hand me your fucking prescriptions instead of tossing them on my counter, under my outstretched hand. Same goes for your money. Don't worry, I will sanitize my hands after you leave. Not your credit card though. Don't flick that baby onto the counter like your making a statement. The keypad is right under your nose.

Next time, a list of things pharmacists love to hear - note the sarcasm. In the meantime, I'd love to hear about other's pet peeves!